


Oh, Floor...

by pickett



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, One Shot, Other, lol I'm sorry, my attempts at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 03:18:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9157861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pickett/pseuds/pickett
Summary: Hook loves the floor and the floor loves him. It's that simple.





	

“YOU. DID. WHAT!!?!” Belle’s voice echoed throughout the library. She immediately spun her head around to make sure she wasn’t disturbing anyone. After making sure the coast was clear, she fixed her intense (and frankly quite intimidating) gaze back on Hook, her eyes flashing angrily. Her anger and annoyance built up until, without a warning, she punched him in the face. His face barely registered shock before he hit the floor.

“Oops,” Belle said as she stared at the unconscious body in front of her, not really looking all that guilty.

 

* * *

 This was the _sixth_  time this week Belle had hit him. Hook snorted. And he thought they were on better terms now. He didn’t understand-all he did was prank Belle by rearranging all the books and using the titles to spell out some…interesting quotes. He was quite proud, actually. He felt like he deserved a medal for that! Groggily, Hook registered that he was on something cold and hard. _Of course_ , he thought, _the floor. The beautiful, beautiful floor._  Giggling, he flipped himself around and began admiring the floor, stroking and patting it.

 

* * *

 Emma walked into the town's library, looking for Hook. She had already tried their house, her parent's apartment, Granny's, the sheriff's office, and the docks. This was her last hope. However, when she walked in, she did not expect to (or need to) see Hook sprawled on the floor, sloppily smooching it. Belle stood in a corner, attempting to stifle her laughter and growing more red in the face by the second. She had, in fact, been quite successful in keeping her laughter to a minimum, but when Emma walked in with her eyes wide and mouth slightly parted, wearing an utterly shocked expression, she lost it. She clutched her stomach, laughing hysterically and practically on the verge of tears. Hands shaking, she managed to pull out her phone and film everything.

Emma approached Hook. “Are…are you drunk again?” she asked him, unsure how to handle this. Belle stopped laughing at her words and shot Emma an apologetic, slightly panicked look which ended up confusing her more than ever.

Meanwhile Hook continued licking, stroking, kissing, and rubbing the floor. _I love the floor so much_ , he thought, _Floor is always, floor is forever. Also, the cool tiles feel nice…_

Suddenly he had an idea. _I know! I’ll marry floor!_ He was so excited he even paused his kissing. _Our name will be Flook because Hook…floor…BLOODY HELL THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE BEST IDEA I’VE EVER HAD!!!_ He thought proudly, congratulating himself on being so clever. Lifting his head, he shouted, “FLOOK FOREVER AND ALWAYS!” and punched his fist in the air victoriously. That’s when Emma noticed the bruise on his face and understood the look Belle had given her earlier. Belle seemed to notice the moment of realization Emma was having and internally cringed, preparing herself for Emma's Famous Death Glare™.

With a sigh, Emma walked over to Belle. “You hit him again, didn’t you?” Belle nodded. At this point Emma was too tired to be angry. This happened ridiculously often, and she couldn't even be bothered to ask what had happened. “He must’ve hit his head too hard,” she concluded, knowing she was only stating the obvious. In the right state of mind, Hook would never be into a floor, right? Emma should be his only love. They had even shared a true love's kiss before! Right. Shooing that ridiculous thought away, she began to fully absorb the situation. 

As worried as she was for his mental health, she couldn’t help but find "flook" amusing. However, after watching her boyfriend caress the floor for over ten minutes, she decided enough was enough. _This_ was a whole new level of disturbing. As Emma marched over to Hook and his precious floor, Belle continued to film in the corner. Her lips curled upwards slightly as she imagined how sane Hook would react to the video.

“Come on Hook, we have to go now,” Emma said as she grabbed his arm.

“No! I want to stay here with the floor forever and ever!” He protested, pouting.

 _What a baby_ , she thought. It was only then that she noticed Belle recording the moment. “Hey put that away! How long have you been recording???”

“What?” asked Belle defensively, “It’s good blackmail material. Plus, he deserves it. You have no idea what he’s put me through this week. Think of it as revenge.”

Emma groaned in resignation and tried dragging Hook out the door. She failed miserably. He flailed and whimpered and cried until she threw her hands up in the air.

"I GIVE UP!"

By the end of the day, the whole town had gathered in the library (with popcorn of course) to watch Hook declare his profound love to the floor at their last minute marriage ceremony. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack and I wrote this like two or three years ago but I fully ship flook so here you go lol


End file.
